there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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