Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
