I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
