Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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