Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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