Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
