Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
