I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
