I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
