apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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