sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
