Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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