Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
