no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
