Me. At least after what I've been through.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
