My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.