4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Okay so I just had a really great idea