You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow