My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.