yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.