Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
