Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
