I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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