there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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