I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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