btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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