I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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