So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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