If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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