Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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