Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
