So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
