So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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