Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
