Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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