dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
