You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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