I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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