you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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