I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
