Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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