trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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