Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
