shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
