just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
