you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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