and you said cock pushups were impossible
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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