I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
