God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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