Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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