My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
