my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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