the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize