Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are a genius and a whore.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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