last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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