it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
