im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
