So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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