I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
