I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
