At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
