Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
