I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
