I'm eating all of the evidence.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
